The devastating effects of emotional abuse by Reflejos Publications In many ways, emotional abuse has sometimes more lasting effects that physical abuse. Emotional abuse is more personal, is more about you as a person, about your spirit. If somebody says to you “you are ugly, stupid, incompetent or that no one could love you,” you are more likely to think that you are the problem. That is because we tend to expect that those we love will care about how we feel. When loved ones fail to care that we are hurt, it feels like betrayal. There are many ways to be emotionally abusive; you can say the most loving words with sarcasm, communicate contempt with body language, rolling eyes, disgusted looks, cold shoulders etc. Emotional abuse can happen between parent and child, husband and wife, among relatives and between friends. Emotional abuse occurs when a person in a relationship tries to control information available to another person with intent to manipulate that person's sense of reality or their view of what is acceptable and unacceptable. People who suffer from emotional abuse tend to have low self-esteem.

1. Control, shame: Do you feel you must “get permission” before going somewhere or making decisions? Do they treat you as if you were inferior to them? Do they control how you spend money? Do they minimize your accomplishments? Do they give you disapproving or condescending looks?

2. Emotional distancing: Do they use the “silent treatment,” isolation, or withdrawal of affection? Do they play the victim, make excuses to deflect the blame to you instead of taking responsibility for their actions?

3. Blaming, unreasonable demands, accusing: Do they have trouble apologizing? Do they blame you for their problems or unhappiness? Are they extremely sensitive when others make fun of them?

4. Judgment, criticism, humiliation: Do they tease you, correct you, make fun of you, use mean jokes and sarcasm as a way to put you down? When you complain, do they say “it was just a joke?” Do they disregard, ridicule your thoughts or suggestions?

5. Jealousy, inappropriate behavior with opposite sex, extramarital affairs: Do they constantly threaten you with abandonment? Do you feel you can't talk to anybody from the opposite sex? Do they justify their extramarital affairs saying “I am a man and that's okay”? It is important to remember that it is not absolutely your fault.